CENTER LINE

Jerry Seinfeld is my hero. This clip from "The Airport' sums up what Seinfeld is all about.
bigjoe
Jul 25, 2010

Jerry Seinfeld is my hero.

This clip from “The Airport” sums up what Seinfeld is all about.

Jerry and Elaine are scheduled to fly into Kennedy Airport after a trip. But, when the flight is canceled and they are offered a pair of seats on another plane to LaGuardia Airport, Jerry and Elaine discover that one of them is in first class.

After vying for the seat of their choice, Elaine is forced to travel in coach and struggles with an overcrowded cabin, while Jerry enjoys himself in a roomy seat next to a gorgeous model named Tia.

Elaine is crammed into the middle seat in coach and forced to eat a kosher meal. Jerry and Tia share the finer things of life. As the two enjoy their sundaes, Jerry points out the hot fudge is on the bottom — just the way he likes it.

“You  know what? They got the fudge on the bottom — ya see? That enables you to control your fudge distribution as you're eating your ice cream,” Jerry said.

“I never met a man who knew so much about nothing,” Tia said.

That brings me to my point. My new year’s resolution is really much about nothing — nothing is going to bother me in 2008.

My cup won’t be half empty or half full. It will be running over.

Let me cite some early examples.

* * *

On a recent trip to Bowling Green, I stopped in Clyde to get gas because it was the “cheapest” at $3.02 a gallon. When I got to the pump, I saw the price actually was $2.99. So instead of complaining about how the oil companies are ripping us off and laughing all of the way to the bank, I enjoyed saving three cents a gallon. I put $30 into my tank and saved 30 cents. Life is good.

* * *

As I watched the NFL playoffs this weekend, I didn’t once think about Derek Anderson single-handedly blowing the Browns’ post-season chances with his lousy game at Cincinnati. Instead, I just thought about Charlie Frye picking up his playoff checks in Seattle. Remember when the Browns ran Bernie Kosar out of town? He hooked up with Dallas and picked up a Super Bowl ring.

* * *

As I waited to get a seat on New Year’s Eve at Applebee’s, I never once complained about the hour wait standing in the doorway. It didn’t bother me standing next to that guy with the bad breath. And it didn’t bother me when the door kept hitting me in the back. Instead, I thought it was pretty neat when I got my “dessert shot,” a mini hot fudge sundae for $1.99. After a full meal, the small dessert hit the spot. I’m looking forward to Applebee’s coming to Norwalk.

* * *

Thursday is payday and I’m not even going to complain about Uncle Sam ripping us off for the first time in 2008. Instead, I am going to be happy with the 4.2 percent reduction in state taxes. If we are lucky, that will offset the increase in our insurance rates. We may be losing ground, but I don’t care, because I am a new man. Nothing is going to bother me.

* * *

Did I say my cup is running over? That’s because when I reached for my drink, I knocked it over.

Happy 2008.