Last year, I told you we had 27 clocks to re-set in our home when the time changed.
This year it is 28. I have a new watch.
Is it just me, or does that sound like more watches, clocks and assorted other timepieces than one home needs?
What's worse is that clocks and watches are not the only things we have too many of.
For instance, we have four television sets in our home and a DVD player in my car. I have never even turned on the one in the car.
We have seven remote controls, two of which control devices we do not even have. There are 171 buttons on these remotes. I only know what 12 of those buttons do.
We have four cordless telephones and two cell phones.
There is almost always one message on our answering machine. It is usually from the Red Cross asking me to donate blood.
I have two pairs of running shoes, one pair of hiking boots and 28 pairs of running and hiking socks in a drawer dedicated just to them.
We have four packets of Arby's Horsey Sauce and two packets of moist towelettes in our refrigerator.
We have seven sinks.
I have eight gasoline-powered devices for working on my lawn or landscape.
I have one gasoline-powered device to blow snow.
I always buy fertilizer for 30,000 square feet of lawn. I have no idea how many square feet of lawn I actually have.
I have 41 folders in two filing cabinets.
I have four bicycles with a total of 65 gears.
We have four deer that graze in our backyard. We saw a coyote there once.
We have three potato peelers, but, as of this writing, only one potato.
There are currently nine items on our grocery list.
I have 51 foreign coins in a drawer.
I have two credit cards and nine other cards that look like credit cards but really just earn airline miles or hotel points.
I have four brushes and combs. I have had no hair to brush or comb since 1995.
We have 21 wine glasses. I drink one glass of wine each day.
We have 20 chairs and five ottomans. I almost always sit in the same two chairs. I never use an ottoman.
I subscribe to three magazines and one newspaper.
We get a catalog from Eddie Bauer or Lands' End or L.L. Bean almost every day.
We have more than 30 keys. We use two of them every day. We use eight of them occasionally. We never use the other 20 and do not know what most of them are for.
I have a key chain from my 1965 Honda motorcycle. It is one of four key chains I never use.
It required 2594 keystrokes to create the 513 words and 32 paragraphs to tell you all this.
It is hard to believe I have been writing this column for 30 years.
There are 1560 Mondays in 30 years.