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CENTER LINE - Things are going to start happening now

bigjoe • Oct 29, 2015 at 12:00 PM

It's great to be alive.

Why, you ask?

Because I have my health, my family, my friends ... blah, blah, blah.

Better than that.

To quote the infamous Navin R. Johnson, "The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!"

Johnson, played by Steve Martin in the 1979 movie "The Jerk," said getting your name in the phone book is a day to celebrate.

"Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing," Harry Hartounian told Johnson in the movie.

Johnson's reply? "Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book every day! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity your name in print that makes people. I'm on print! Things are going to start happening now."

If Johnson could get that excited in 1979 about having his name in one phone book, how do you think he would feel today? It seems like every time I come home there is a new phone book on my doorstep.

We have the Verizon phone book and it is right there on page 10 Centers, Joe & Jody.

We have The Firelands Phone book, page 36.

Don't forget about The User-Friendly Phone Book, page 37. I'm not sure why they call it user-friendly, but it has got a lot of stuff in it.

And just last week we got The Real Yellow Pages from AT&T. Sure enough, right there on page 18, Centers, Joe & Jody.

I'd like to give a shout out to The Firelands Phone Book. I can actually read the print and, at my age, that's important when you are looking for a phone number. Do you think the phone book companies and the optometrists are in cahoots?

Phone books galore. They come in all shapes and sizes. But how come with so many books, I still can't find one at home when I need it?

Four books. Listed four times. I guess that makes me four times as important as Navin R. Johnson.

So who's the real Jerk now?

* * *

I see where Fisher-Titus Medical Center is going completely smokeless Jan. 1. That means no smoking outside in a dark corner. No smoking in your car. No smoking in your car parked in a dark corner. Everybody employees and patients alike will have to leave the hospital premises to smoke.

I'm not a smoker so I think it's a great idea. I just wonder how long before somebody gets hit by a car running across the street to smoke.

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