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CENTER LINE - Dentist has evil plan to maintain job security

Norwalk Reflector Staff • Oct 29, 2015 at 12:47 PM

I got a note from my dentist the other day. It was a reminder that I needed to come in for my annual checkup. Nothing special. Just a little cleaning, but more importantly, a lot of talk.

My dentist is Dr. Bartt Colahan, a former standout athlete (he is a legend in his own mind) at Monroeville High School. I remember covering his games when I was a young sportswriter at the Reflector. There isn't much better than watching a football game on a brisk fall night at Marsh Field, then interviewing coach Steve Ringholz when it is over.

When Dr. Bartt and I get together we like to talk about sports. It usually degrades into cheap shots about Monroeville and St. Paul. The problem is, the dentist always gets the last word.

About halfway through the conversation Dr. Bartt goes to work. While he's got his pick and drill going, his nurse is on the other side with her suction hose. (I still remember the good old days when you had that spittoon next to you. "Rinse," the dentist would say, and you'd spit out all of that blood. My old dentist used to work with a chisel and a ball pein hammer).

All that aside, I was interested in last week's "Cook of the Week" feature on my favorite dentist, along with his sons Carson and Spencer.

All I can say is two words job security.

Dr. Bartt had a recipe for chocolate syrup brownies with M&Ms and Reese's Pieces.

"I like to make brownies," Colahan said. "I like to eat brownies ... (they're) a crowd pleaser. Everybody likes brownies."

Especially a dentist.

Check out these ingredients: 2 pkg. softened cream cheese; 1/2 c. softened butter; 8 squares chocolate, melted; 3 tsp. vanilla extract; 6c confectioner's sugar.

Is that all? I think there is something missing. How about the two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew to wash it down with?

I can see Colahan laughing all the way to the bank with this one.

If Colahan can encourage eating like this, I can only imagine his other rules:

1. Always use your fork to pick your teeth.

2. Your toothbrush makes a good floor scrubber.

3. Pretzels lots of hard pretzels.

4. Have some peanuts with those pretzels. Popcorn is good, too. Feel free to eat the unpopped kernels.

5. Chew your ice.

6. Salt water taffy.

7. Mouth guard? Real football players don't need mouth guards.

8. Drink cola, lots of cola.

9. If you don't like pop, try coffee.

10. Chew tobacco. Remember what Walt Garrison used to say: "A little pinch between your cheek and gum."

This is all in jest, of course. Dr. Bartt takes good care of my teeth and he drives a nice car to prove it.

I guess it's about time for him to start thinking about a college fund for his boys.

Time to make some brownies.

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