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What's heroin like?

By Alli Rice • Jun 24, 2019 at 6:00 PM

I remember before I tried heroin, I hadn’t done anything but smoked a couple times and drank, and I asked someone what it was like. They said “it’s like a nice warm feeling. I don’t know how to explain it really.” And, I thought they were right.

But now if someone were to ever ask me what it’s like, I’d tell them:

It's like spending every single penny you ever had, on drugs.

It's like going days without eating even though you were starving, but you needed dope more.

It's like having to lie to every family and friend you had ever had.

It's like waking up hating yourself from the shame and guilt.

It's like going into withdrawals every 8 hours unless you had more dope to do. (And you usually didn’t)

It's like never attending any family event because you were too high or too sick.

It's like everyone eventually stopped inviting you to events. And even talking to you.

It's like everything was on your drug dealer’s time. If they said five hours, you’ll wait five hours in a car throwing up from being so sick.

It's like stealing everything worth value for dope. No matter how sentimental it was to you, or someone else.

It's like losing so much weight you can’t fit into any of your clothes.

It's like losing everything you’ve ever owned in your entire life.

It's like nobody believing a word you said, even if it was the truth.

It's like being a prisoner inside your own head.

It's like contemplating suicide every single day.

It's like never being scared to die; that’s what you wanted.

It's like trying to shut your brain up for even five minutes. It was worth that little time of peace.

It's like seeing your family cry for you to stop, only for you to leave and go get high. Because stopping wasn’t an option. It wasn’t possible.

It's like you’d do absolutely anything for more. And you did.

It's like everyone hating you no matter where you went, because they knew you were a drug addict.

It's like overdosing and going to get high right after.

It's like walking into weighing rehab 100 pounds with clothes on and scared to death.

It's like giving your entire life away.

So if you’re ever curious like I was, please at least know the truth. Curiosity killed the cat, and it’ll kill you, too.

This is for anyone fighting or still fighting this devil drug. There is a way out and I'm proof. Anything you have done I have done it twice and 10 times harder. I wont judge, just love. 

 

Alli Rice, a recovering addict, is a social work case manager and behavioral health technician at Recovery Institute of Ohio in Sandusky. This column is a social media post she made used with her permission.

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